Last night I dropped my cell phone into the toilet.
You might be wondering why I dropped it there of all places in the entire world. Well the explanation is quite simple: the electricity was cut.
Not making sense, huh? Well, let me shed some light. I was out with some friends at an “Irish Pub” in Yerevan, then I drove home only to find that the lights were out not just in my neighborhood but on several blocks in the vicinity. I opened the door to my apartment and felt the urge to urinate very badly, having drunk two half-liter bottles of Kilikia beer (which is one of my favorite brews worldwide I might add). Since there was no electricity, I needed to figure out a way to see the toilet while I was pissing in it. My phone lucky enough–or so I thought–has an extremely bright screen, apparently one of the brightest on the market today. And the screen is long which means it projects a wide light. So imagine that I was facilitating the urination process with my right hand and holding the cell phone in my left. But the phone has a strange feature where the screen’s brightness starts to dim after about 20 seconds, which is solved by pressing any button on the phone. However, in the process of waking the screen the phone fell out of my hand and into the bowl. The toilet’s bowl is rather strange as there is a flat surface in the front and a narrow well in the back of it. I am assuming the design was meant to somehow conceal anything that was placed there in the bodily fluid release process, I can’t say for sure what the designer was thinking. In any case, the phone fell into that part and immediately became soaked in water mixed with urine. I reached in and yanked it out immediately, but in the midst of urinating, so I had to finish the job before I began frantically drying the phone with a bath towel, all the while cursing myself for being so stupid.
The phone in question is the Nokia 6131, which is a “flip” style phone, meaning of course that it opens from a folded state so you can talk into it. And it has a clever mechanism whereby a button on the upper right corner when pressed opens the phone immediately. It’s more like a switchblade phone rather than a “flip” phone. For the most part the button is the reason why I bought the thing in the first place, never mind the nifty features like Bluetooth connectivity, wireless Internet capability, memory expansion, and all the other things I will probably never use.
Needless to say I was furious about what I did. I was even more upset when the lights came on five minutes after the mishap occurred. At least I was able to find some drops of water here and there to soak up with a special chamois cloth since the bath towel proved to be impractical. I put the phone on and was relieved to hear the Nokia chimes, although the screen was black but occasionally flickered. The keypad did not seem to work, however.
So I took the battery out as well as the SIM card and let the thing dry over night. I popped the SIM card into my old phone and was relieved to see that it was not damaged at all from the dunking. I tossed and turned most of the night lamenting my blunder, but just before I fell asleep I had the thought that perhaps the store I bought it from would take mercy upon me and either service or replace the thing as per the one-year warranty, although there did not seem to be a clause stipulating that it did not cover accidentally letting the phone sink into the toilet.
Surprisingly when I woke up this morning I had a smile on my face when I realized how ridiculous the incident was, as I hoped I would the night before, and that somehow I would have either a repaired or new phone as a result of my idiocy. In the middle of the afternoon I made the 40 minute journey from my workplace to the downtown area–a trip that should take no more than 10 minutes, but thanks to the horrible traffic I had to swerve away about every other minute from suffering a potential fender bender to add to my problems on the way towards the store. Nevertheless I made it there in one piece, thankfully. One of the guys in the shop meticulously scrutinized the phone and said, “Dude, you can just dry this thing out, leave it for several hours, 24 if you need to.” The gentlemen who sold me the Nokia in the first place told me to take out the battery and leave the phone someplace warm, and that it should work fine when it completely dried out. So I went home and put it on the window sill in the living room–hopefully the afternoon sun evaporated most of the moisture, as it becomes sweltering in there after 3:00 pm. I’ll find out what the situation is when I get home tonight. I don’t want to walk around with a piss-infused cell phone in my pocket, that’s for damn sure.